


If Only

by injunoir



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Jaehyun is a Bad boyfriend, M/M, Sicheng im so sorry, Youngho you are Bad too, well kind of? not that much of a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24976216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/injunoir/pseuds/injunoir
Summary: Sicheng is the third wheel of his own relationship but his boyfriend is too busy clinging onto his best friend slash ex to notice.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	If Only

**Author's Note:**

> Yay more jaewin! Though, it is angsty once again TT next time, i _swear_ , it will be fluff.

Sicheng knows he shouldn't feel this way. He knows Jaehyun can't help but be nice to everyone, to be clingy or comfortable with anyone he knows really well. He _knows_ that's just how Jaehyun was. What he doesn't know is why it bothers him so much. He and Jaehyun had been together for almost three months and he still couldn't help but feel that way. But he knew for sure it was Seo Youngho who began to make him feel more self-conscious and insecure with their relationship.

Seo Youngho was Jaehyun’s best friend - but he was also his ex. Sicheng learned - from various people - how close the two were and how they dated their freshman year. Sicheng only moved there and began attending the college the year after.

He disliked how left out he felt. When he and Jaehyun’s friends were together, they would share stories that all of them remember clearly. Except for Sicheng.

They were all best friends since childhood but Sicheng was the stranger who invaded their inner circle. Jaehyun tells him it isn't like that, and that his friends love Sicheng and think he was just the addition they needed. But _god_ does Sicheng feel like an intruder.

And Sicheng just _can’t_ ignore the way Jaehyun and Youngho are. It's obvious they love each other–even if it's just as friends. Sicheng sees the way Youngho looks at Jaehyun with fondness, the way the two talk for what seems like an eternity. The way Youngho knows everything Sicheng has yet to learn.

“You're gonna make a salad right? Don't put in purple onion, or the little bread things; Jae doesn't like ‘em”

Sicheng's forces a smile, nodding. Taeil grabs his arm, giving him a wide smile.

“I know Jaehyun will love and appreciate you going out of your way to cook for him tonight.”

Sicheng’s smile is more genuine this time, but it's forced once more when Youngho speaks.

“Oh yeah, he loves it when someone does something for him when he doesn't expect it. I remember last year I made him breakfast in bed and we spent the whole day in. I made him a blanket fort and we had the greatest time.”

“Sorry, I just remembered I have something to do,” Sicheng lies and excuses himself.

He walks away, hands curled into fists inside his pockets. He breathes deeply, closing his eyes. He knows it shouldn't bother him but _it does._

**Jae:** baby, don't worry about getting my meds anymore!

**Me:** why? it doesn't bother me!! I’ll get them for you!

**Jae:** noo it's fine  
Youngho just bought them for me!

**Me:** oh  
okay  
you still want the ramen and lemonade?

**Jae:** nope! Youngho brought that too~  
thanks tho, see you later !!

**Me:** oh. okay. yeah see you later

Sicheng fights the urge to feel jealous. He shoves his phone back into his pocket and stares at the bag in his hands. Its contents were Jaehyun’s meds, his ramen, and his lemonade.

_Of course, Youngho already did it,_ Sicheng chuckles bitterly, _nothing new._

**Me:** I don't think I should feel this way

**Yuta:** shut up u have every right to  
u should talk to jaehyun about this :(  
don't bottle that up!! it could cause a problem with u guys’ relationship later on :(

**Me:** I feel stupid

**Yuta:** I will fight u. no. don't feel stupid >:(  
I will come back from this trip and KILL u.

**Me:** idk about that yuta, your mom would kill me since this is the only time during the year you go to japan.

**Yuta:** I’ll revive u and kill u again.  
talk to jaehyun

**Me:** maybe

**Yuta:** is this a Scorpio thing?? u being stubborn???

**Me:** ok scorpio

**Yuta:** this is about YOU! ur so stubborn >:(

**Me:** haha:)

Sicheng finds himself sitting in bed, coat half pulled on, shoes messily tied, and phone in hand. He was getting ready to head to Jaehyun’s place since he was sick. He was in a hurry, a smile plastered on his face as he got ready until he got Jaehyun’s message.

**Jae:** heeey u have a study group meeting and a class today right?  
u can study with ease because youngho will be here  
I won’t be alone so don’t worry !!

He had checked once. Twice. Even a sixth time. Each time, he saw his message from the day before where he told Jaehyun he’d be free. He hated feeling as if he was just Jaehyun’s friend. That Jaehyun was really dating stupidly perfect Youngho instead.

He fights the urge to cry as he removes his shoes and coat. He didn’t want to think of himself as a constant outsider. He thought, maybe Jaehyun prefers Youngho because he’s been there since forever and he was a foreigner that could now speak Korean fluently. Sicheng has only known them all for a few months and he still struggled with Korean. But that should be okay right? Even his best friend Yuta, who was also a foreigner, struggled a bit with Korean but the two still made it work.

Or, maybe it wasn’t the somewhat language barrier. Maybe Sicheng just fell too hard again and loves more than he is loved. He understands why Jaehyun preferred Youngho. He gets it.

But now as he lays in his bed with slow tears rolling down his cheeks, he fights to overcome the thoughts. Why would Jaehyun approach him, confess, and then ask him out? Why would he do that if he really preferred Youngho? Why can’t Sicheng just ask Jaehyun himself?

Because he was terrified his fears would be the truth, so he kept it all to himself.

-

“Hey,” Kun frowns, “You okay?”

Sicheng gives him a poor attempt of a smile, “Yes, I'm fine.”

It only deepens Kun’s frown, “Is this about Jaehyun and Youngho? You haven't spoken to him yet, right?”

Sicheng purses his lips, “No.”

His best friend sighs, closing his book and narrowing his eyes at Sicheng. The boy just looks back down at his blank canvas, already sensing the scolding he'll get.

“Why?”

Sicheng blinks in surprise at the sudden question, “Huh?”

“Why haven't you told him?” Kun asks again.

“Because,” Sicheng mumbles, “he’ll think I’m being stupid. He’ll tell me I have nothing to worry about, but I’ll just keep feeling like a third wheel in my own relationship.”

“Baby, I _know_ that.” Kun muttered, putting his hand over Sicheng’s, “I don't want to keep seeing you this way. If he doesn't realize it himself then...I think it will be best if you two broke up.”

“What?” Sicheng's eyes widened.

Kun sighed, “I don't want you to keep feeling like that. You shouldn't be in the first place. He should be putting you first – you're his _boyfriend_. He should act like you are. If he keeps doing this...you deserve better. You either talk to him, or break up with him.”

Sicheng sits in stunned silence, eyes staring into Kun’s in shock. Kun gives him a small smile.

“I know you like him a lot, Cheng, that's why I won't stand back and watch you hurt. I know you haven't had a good experience in dating and you're scared, but please talk to him.”

-

Sicheng presses his knees against his chest, head atop them, as his arms are wrapped around his legs. He watched silently as Taeil, Youngho, Jaehyun, and Jungwoo focused intently on their game of go fish. Sicheng had rejected their invitation to play and chose to just watch them. He felt too embarrassed to admit to them he’d never played the game and didn’t understand.

He mostly watched Jaehyun. Watching Jaehyun meant watching Youngho. The way Jaehyun's cheek pressed against Youngho’s shoulder with ease and familiarity. The way the two looked at each other to snigger when Taeil and Jungwoo would bicker, one claiming the other was cheating by looking over at his cards.

He swallows the words he wanted to say, the question on the tip of his tongue. _Jaehyun can you sit with me?_ He holds it in, biting his tongue. He blinks away the tears stinging his eyes, threatening to spill the secret he’d been keeping in. He only starts to feel worse when Taeil and Jungwoo stand up with the words, ‘we’ll be back, we’re getting snacks.”

All three nod and Sicheng misses the look Taeil threw at Jaehyun and Youngho, the glance Taeil gave to Sicheng over his shoulder, and Jungwoo’s harsh flick on Jaehyun’s shoulder. Sicheng tears his gaze from their retreating figures to the kitchen when Jaehyun calls him over to play with him and Youngho.

Sicheng’s lips pressed into a thin line, gaze on Youngho’s lingering graze on Jaehyun’s hand as he took the cards to shuffle them. He forces a smile on his lips as his eyes look up to meet Jaehyun’s and nods.

As the two work on dividing the cards, Sicheng bit his lip, “I don’t understand the game…”

The two’s heads snap up at him and Jaehyun hummed with a smile, “You’ll get the hang of it!”

Sicheng thought back to when Jungwoo had asked Taeil for more information on the rules, he remembers the way Taeil whispered the rules to him and explained how to play. Jaehyun told him he’d get the hang of it.

He regrets it. He regrets accepting the invite to Youngho’s place. Not only did he have to deal with his boyfriend and Youngho’s closeness, or the pictures that were on the wall of the two of them (Sicheng _swore_ he saw one of the two kissing), but he had to deal with the two teaming up together against him in the game he didn’t comprehend. They would high five, bump shoulders, and their fingers would linger longer than necessary.

It made him sick to his stomach. He wanted to just go to the kitchen where he could hear Taeil and Jungwoo’s muffled voices than deal with the sight in front of him. He felt stupid, unwanted, left out, and just so out of place.

A muffled sob escaped his lips as he attempted to hide his face with his cards. He tried so hard to not let his emotions get the best of him. He really should’ve stayed home. Jaehyun’s and Youngho’s attention adverts to him after whispering to each other and Jaehyun’s expression falls.

“Sicheng? Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks, setting down the cards and moving towards him.

“Don’t,” Sicheng whispers weakly, halting Jaehyun’s movement as Taeil and Jungwoo make their way back. “Please just don’t. Leave me alone.”

Sicheng’s hand raised to cover his mouth as he let out another sob, Taeil’s eyes widened. He hurriedly set down the tray with drinks and went towards Sicheng.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Taeil whispered, his arms wrapped around the boy that clutched onto his sleeve. He runs his hand through Sicheng’s hair, whispering into his ear before turning to Jaehyun and Youngho with a harsh glare.

“Do you want me to call someone?” Jungwoo asked after setting down the bags of chips he had in his arms.

“Hey I’m–” Jaehyun’s mouth snapped shut when Jungwoo glared at him.

“Yuta or Kun,” Sicheng managed to say as he slowly began to calm down.

Jungwoo nodded, grabbing Sicheng’s phone. He pursed his lips as he stared at it, about to ask Sicheng for the password before Jaehyun snatched the phone. He quickly unlocked it and handed it back to Jungwoo. The latter didn't say anything, just opened his recents and dialed the first of the two he found.

“Chengie! What is it?” the voice immediately sounds through the apartment, though none could understand as it was chinese.

Jaehyun scowls, recognizing the voice. He wasn't fond of him, finding the male and Sicheng to be too close to his liking. _Ironic._

“Hi Kun, this is Jungwoo,” the boy says, glancing up at Sicheng.

“Oh, hey. Is everything okay? Where's Sicheng?” Kun switches to korean.

“Something happened, do you think you could pick up Sicheng?”

There's a muffled voice in the background.

“Is he okay?” Kun’s voice was visibly worried.

“I don't think so. We're at Youngho’s a–”

“Of fucking course,” Kun cuts him off, the change of his tone making the others flinch, “send me the address, i'll be there. Yuta put on your coat.”

The line cuts and Jungwoo sits in surprise before handing the phone to Sicheng after sending the address. Taeil was staring at Jaehyun and Youngho with clear disappointment in his expression. The two returned one filled with confusion and nervousness, already knowing Taeil's shouts were awaiting them as soon as Sicheng was gone.

After a few minutes of silence, Sicheng wishing he hadn't broken and cried, there were rushed knocks on the door. Jungwoo waved his hand at Sicheng who'd immediately begun to stand to get it.

“You put on your coat and shoes,” Taeil says.

Sicheng nodded, not liking that the two were treating him like a child, but he still obeyed.

“Sicheng!”

Jaehyun, Youngho, and Taeil watch as both Kun and Yuta rush into the apartment, Kun already speaking to him in rushed chinese. Yuta went towards where Taeil, Youngho, and Jaehyun sat, a dark expression on his face.

“Jaehyun,” he says and the boy flinched at his tone, “After tonight, you are single.”

“Yuta–” Sicheng gasps but doesn't say anything as Kun shushes him.

“You have been treating him in a way that he doesn't deserve at all. He came to Korea not even _five_ months ago. He trusted you when you approached him and helped him. He trusted you when you confessed and asked him out. He continues to do it blindly despite you being a complete shit excuse of a boyfriend. If you were going to keep pretending and acting like Youngho is your boyfriend, why'd you two break up then? I've had it with you making Sicheng feel like the third wheel in his own relationship; like he doesn't fucking _belong_. You don't deserve someone as amazing as him, so don't go looking for him. And Youngho,” Yuta turns his furious gaze towards the male, “go ahead and ask Jaehyun out again now that he's single.”

They watch as Kun takes Sicheng by the wrist and walks out. Yuta trailed after them but paused at the door,

“Thank you Taeil and Jungwoo, I'm glad you two spoke to Kun and I.”

Jaehyun doesn’t bother stopping the hurt that flashed in his eyes, turning to his two best friends.

“You guys told him to break me and Sicheng up?”

Yuta scoffed, Jaehyun turned to him in a glare.

“It’s your own fault. You didn’t give him attention. You didn’t act like the two of you were dating. You don’t even _know_ about the many times he’s cried to me and Kun because of you. He’s told us he felt unwanted, stupid, like he didn’t belong...half the time he questioned if you were even dating. How many times did you go on dates? How many times have you canceled on him because of Youngho? You’re a fucking asshole, Jung Jaehyun. This whole time it was like watching you and Youngho date while Sicheng pined for you. Do you know how fucking terrible he’s been feeling this whole time? Don’t contact him from here on out, understand? You didn’t have trouble forgetting him before, surely you’ll be able to do it now.”

Yuta slammed the door shut.

“We’re leaving too,” Jungwoo says, already having his coat and shoes on. Jaehyun stared at the floor, numb from what had occurred. Taeil shook his head in clear disappointment.

“You had it coming, Jaehyun, as much as I hate to say it. I told you, but you never fucking listen, do you? I understand that both of you are just _that_ close. But wasn’t there a reason the relationship didn’t work?” Taeil turned to Youngho, “I expected better from you, at least. This happened before with Doyoung - do I even need to remind you? I don’t...I don’t think you should try to go back to Sicheng, Jaehyun. He deserves better. He shouldn’t have to have felt that way for three months. I’m so disappointed.”

It was the end of the second semester, summer vacation around the corner, and finals were finally out of the way. Jaehyun hardly saw Sicheng by now. He'd only catch glimpses of him from afar, but he never got to see him properly. Sicheng had blocked his number and all social media, even Kun and Yuta had done the same.

Jaehyun understood what he did wrong and he felt beyond guilty for having done what he had to Sicheng. He and Youngho decided to spend less time around each other and not be overly clingy anymore. They figured that was best for the sake of maintaining a healthy relationship with themselves and others.

He knew Jungwoo and Taeil still hung out and spoke with Sicheng every now and then and he was at least glad they were able to keep that friendship. He remembered the way Sicheng had felt insecure and doubtful of his relationship with the two, so he's happy they're hanging out just fine.

Jaehyun now realized that his close relationship with Youngho made his other friends drift away. He now looks back with guilt at how he often talked of Youngho and always ditched them to hang out with him. So, he had called for a group hangout and apologized to them. They quickly went back to normal once the awkwardness from the past went away and then the questions surged.

“How are you and Sicheng?” Taeyong had asked and Jaehyun’s smile dropped.

“Um. We broke up a while ago.” He’d said quietly.

His friends’ expressions softened and turned sad. He smiled painfully.

“I guess I was just _too_ close to Youngho, huh?”

Doyoung snorted, ignoring everyone else’s stares, “Well, you've learned now. Even though it took _two_ relationships to be ruined for you and _him_ to get there.”

Jaehyun winced. He was honestly surprised Doyoung was even there with them since Doyoung was still bitter over the failure that was his and Youngho’s relationship. Jaehyun’s stomach churned as he remembered Doyoung’s angered expression and furious shouts as he broke up with Youngho in front of their friends. Jaehyun figures Doyoung only dealt with his presence now because of Taeyong - his current boyfriend.

Ten sighed, “I think that whenever you happen to stumble upon him and he doesn't run away, you can take that chance to apologize.”

Jaehyun didn't expect it to be so _soon_ , honestly. Sicheng unblocked him. He only realized because he saw Taeil reply to his tweet and Jungwoo retweeting a tweet about a hangout the three had. He felt almost relieved. He checked other social media and he was unblocked there as well.

His instagram hardly had been updated and his twitter was just him complaining about finals, being annoyed with his friends, and just random ones of his thoughts - lots in Chinese that he didn't bother translating. None of that would have prepared him for the sight before him.

He was walking to the other side of campus on an errand for Jungwoo. It was something about a stack of photos he asked a friend in the photography class to print for him that he was preparing for his and Taeil's anniversary. He had come out of the room with the student who was locking the door behind him, laughing at Jungwoo’s silly request, when Jaehyun heard that familiar voice.

“Hendery!”

Both Hendery and Jaehyun turned in the direction of the shout and found Sicheng rushing towards them. Only, he hesitantly slowed down when his eyes met Jaehyun’s.

“Winwin!” Hendery excitedly says as he rushed past Jaehyun and into Sicheng’s arms.

_Winwin?_

He watched as Sicheng tore his gaze away from him; the way he visibly lit up and hugged the other tightly. The way Hendery held Sicheng’s face between his hands and kissed him. Jaehyun swallowed thickly and turned his eyes to the ground as a lump formed in his throat.

“Oh, Jaehyun, is that all you needed?” Jaehyun’s head snaps up and he forces a smile on his face and nods.

Hendery smiles and nods, “It was great getting to meet you then, I hope we can talk another time!”

“Yeah, me too!” Jaehyun nods.

The two turn to leave and it takes everything in Jaehyun to say, “Wait! Sicheng, can I please talk to you. Just five minutes tops.”

Hendery looked at them in confusion as Sicheng pressed his lips into a thin line. Jaehyun grows anxious as Sicheng remains quiet but then heaves a breath of relief when Sicheng turns to Hendery and tells him to wait for him in his car - at least, that's what Jaehyun gathered with his little knowledge of Chinese. Hendery left in confusion and Sicheng swallowed thickly as he turned back towards Jaehyun, arms wrapped around himself nervously.

“I want to apologize,” Jaehyun starts, hating the way Sicheng refused to meet his eyes. “It was so terrible of me to do that to you. To make you feel the way you did and to treat you like you were anything other than my boyfriend. I'm not- I'm not here to ask you to take me back. That was never going to be my intention if I ever got the chance to speak to you again. I just want you to know that while I was such a ahit boyfriend and seemed as if I didn't feel anything for _you_ , I really and genuinely did have feelings for you. My biggest regret will always be letting you go and letting you down. My relationship with Youngho was _too_ close and I realize that now. Now that I was able to fix my relationship with some friends and now that...that I lost you. I wish you the best with Hendery - he seems really nice! I hope one day you can forgive me and that you aren't hurt by me anymore.”

Sicheng remains quiet and Jaehyun accepts his silence with a nod.

“Thank you for letting me apologize despite taking you away from him,” Jaehyun bows lightly and turns around, already walking away when he hears him.

“I...I can't forgive you yet. I hope you understand. Um. I think one day we can be friends again but not right now. But, thank you for apologizing to me. The beginning was nice, I'm still happy you approached me and became my friend and introduced me to Taeil and Jungwoo. Some good things came out of it...um, but, still. Thank you for saying sorry…” Sicheng mumbled, but Jaehyun heard him clearly.

He turns around slightly, to see the boy looking up at him with a sad smile and tears going down his cheeks. He smiles softly.

“Be happy. I mean it.”

Sicheng nods and Jaehyun begins to walk away. He feels the heavy weight lifted off of his chest and now he can only hope to better himself and one day be forgiven by the one he let down.

**Author's Note:**

> Last time it was sicheng hurting jaehyun, but now the tables have turned. Thank you for reading !!


End file.
